I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
