this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
