Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
