jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
