so that wasnt chicken after all
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
