I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
