I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
