God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
