Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fill condoms, not promises.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
