I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
