According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
