Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
