Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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