Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
