Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
