Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
