He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
