why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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