He asked to "fluff my boner.."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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