she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
