Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
