If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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