Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
