Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
