Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
