His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
