i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
