Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
