As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
