He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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