you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there's paper in my vomit.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
