I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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