I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
