Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
