I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
