So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
