just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
