I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
