piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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