I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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