So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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