So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
