I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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