im six kinds of drunk right now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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