As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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