No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
