i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
