Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
