My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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