i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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