I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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