My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
