I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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