i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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